


A Look Into The Mirror

by Polarnacht



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood-centric, Coping, Established Relationship, Feelings, Gen, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Parabatai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26988325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht
Summary: Alec tries to ready himself for another tiring day as the Head of the New York Institute: by putting on his usual armor of black clothes. Some days it is easier to slip into the role of the leader, sometimes it is harder. Today it is harder.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 16
Kudos: 64
Collections: Hunter's Moon 500 Prompts





	A Look Into The Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the HM 500 prompt: Grave
> 
> A huge thank you to Jessa for betaing this work! Thank you so much for all your input, I really appreciate it so much 💙

Alec steps out of the hot shower, wincing when his bare feet meet the cold floor. With a sigh he leaves the bathroom, drying his hair with Magnus’ soft towel, that is so much fluffier than the ones in the Institute. But even the softest towel cannot make up for the fact that Alec isn’t ready to face the day.

He frowns when he looks at his range of clothes. Carefully he selects black briefs, black jeans, a black longsleeve and his favorite leather jacket and places them on the bed. The door is slightly ajar and he hears Magnus’ laughter ringing through and Jace’s dry answer to whatever Magnus was saying. Alec doesn’t feel ready. 

His frown deepens when he looks into the mirror, his 23-year-old self looking back at him with dark circles under his eyes and a scowl on his face. He slips into his underwear and jeans, grabbing his combat boots. He laces them thoroughly; with every loop he pulls tight, he feels a little more settled. A little more ready.

The laughter outside gets louder and Alec flinches inwardly. He knows the laughter is just another kind of armor, similar to the one he is putting on now. They all have their armors. Jace his cockiness, Izzy her tight dresses and high heels, he his black clothes and his grumpy look; and Magnus has his glitter and laughter. But sometimes Alec just cannot stomach it, hoping against all odds that they will be able to drop the facade, to be just Alec and Magnus. But the hurt, betrayal and pain from two breakups runs too deep for this just yet. 

Sometimes, like today, Alec is definitely not ready to let his guard down. Though today, he also seems unable to put his armor on properly. Even though he is already slipping into his biker jacket, the person who frowns back at him in the mirror is still his old self. 

“Are you ready, darling?” Magnus’ voice is cheerful.

“In a second,” he gives back, hoping no-one will pick up on the grave tone. 

Of course, Jace does. He slips silently into the room, strolls over to Alec and grabs his neck, pulls him down until their foreheads touch. They stay like that for what feels an eternity, before Jace draws back and their eyes meet. Jace is searching for something in Alec’s eyes and when he finds it, he smiles and turns around. Alec reciprocates the smile, deepening it when he sees Jace broadening his shoulders in an attempt to protect him from the day.

Alec looks in the mirror and the Institute’s Head smiles back. Alec is ready. Ready to do what is needed - to be a leader - because he is also allowed to be what he needs and wants to be: A Parabatai to Jace. Alec really hopes that one day he can add being Magnus’ husband back to the list of things that help him through the day. Not today, but someday. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments & kudos are loved 💙


End file.
